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Niles:  I’m out here in the middle of the park and I’m lost. Thank god for my cellular.

Martin:  Did you see Eddie?

Niles:  No, but I thought I saw a raccoon.  When I stopped running I had no idea where I was… You’ve got to help me!

Frasier:  Alright Niles, just remain calm. Let me think back to my boy scout training.  Alright… now… we’re on the northeast corner of the park. Alright! Look in to the heavens, and see if you can spot the North Star. Then you want to turn twelve degrees to your right-

Martin: Oh for gods sake, just walk towards the horn! *beeps the car horn repeatedly*

Niles:  I hear it! I hear it dad! I’m walking!

Martin:  Alright, just keep following it. *beeps some more*

Niles:  I see a grove of trees and a fountain, a-and a horrible, wretched, hunchbacked old man, STAY AWAY FROM ME!!  *pause* No, no.  It was just a bush.  Okay, things are beginning to look familiar now, keep honking.  I think I’m homing in! Yes, I’m quite sure this is the way!  *climbs in to the back seat* Okay, you can hang up now!  THAT, was a harrowing experience!

Martin: Yeah, a shrub and a raccoon in one night and you lived to tell about it.

Episode 2.02 - The Unkindest Cut of All

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*Frasier greets Niles, who enters wearing his flour-baby in a baby sling*

*Martin frowns*

*Daphne smirks*

Martin: What are you doing with that thing?

Niles: I’m forging a parent/child bond that will last forever.

Martin: Well that’s a relief, I was afraid it might be something stupid.

Niles: If it makes you feel any better I don’t wear this in public. I just wanted to get the complete picture of parenthood.

Frasier: And?

Niles: It’s driving me batty! *sits on the couch and slams the flour-baby’s head on the coffee table by accident* Oh, the feedings - every two hours. Constant monitoring where he is. I can see how parents can be obsessed with worry.  Last night, I actually had a dream my flour sack was abducted and the kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail!

Episode 2.04 - Flour Child

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Frasier: Dad, can’t you just slow it down a little bit?

Martin: All right, all right, but if any of the other fathers come back here, I’m taking it off the pee-wee setting. Okay, all right, now, from the hips. Nice an’ easy, don’t try to kill it, just try to make contact, okay, you ready?

Frasier: Ready.

4.16 - The Unnatural