The creatures aren’t just Halloween characters; they originated in the brutal sugar plantations of Haiti.
A handy infographic by neuroscientists Bradley Voytek and Timothy Verstynen, who have speculated about what the zombie brain would look like based on typical zombie behaviour in pop culture. They’ve also suggested that we call zombification ‘Consciousness Deficit Hypoactivity Disorder,’ characterised by the loss of rational behaviour and “replaced by delusional/impulsive aggression, stimulus-driven attention, the inability to coordinate motor-linguistic behaviors and an insatiable appetite for human flesh.” All, of course, pure speculation.
So, in the wake of reading this terrifying shit, Postcard and I started chatting, as you do, about the zombie apocalypse. Here are some things Postcard and I enjoy: zombie media, common sense, and YELLING ABOUT STUFF. Thus, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy our simple twenty-step guide to NOT DYING in the unlikely event that a zombie apocalypse ravages humanity:
- IN THE EVENT OF AN ACTUAL APOCALYPTIC SITUATION, ASSUME THAT THE FOLLOWING THINGS ARE GOING TO STOP WORKING: running water (this includes toilets); anything that relies on electricity (this includes gas pumps); anything that relies on natural gas lines (this includes gas stoves/central heat); basically, anything that relies on there being a factory of some variety at the other end of thing you want to make do stuff. THAT’S ALL GONNA BREAK. THIS INCLUDES THE INTERNET. Thus, the most important thing to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse is:
- RESEARCH. For as long as you possess the internet, do everything you can to learn as much as possible. Research edible/medicinal plants (or seriously, go into a bookstore and loot your shit a guidebook, they’re not large, they sell little tiny ones, you can put it in your pocket, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE NOT DO THIS). Research, from available information, how the zombies work/which of their senses are functional—for example, if they operate largely by smell, you want to work on smelling not alive. If they operate largely by sight, DON’T LIGHT FIRES AT NIGHT. And speaking of fires…
Juuuuust in case, followers.
I’m one of those people who would rather commit suicide as a healthy human than struggle out a living in a zombie-infested world, not LEAST because I don’t think enough people consider the spiritual repercussions of zombification (I’m not religious, but what if souls exist, and zombification traps yours in your decaying body for all eternity with no hope of release? HELL NO, I’D NEVER RISK THAT, “I-HAVE-NO-MOUTH-AND-I-MUST-SCREAM” SCENARIOS ARE MY WORST NIGHTMARE) but maybe you’re interested in this? It’s really practical!
…lmao, what am I even doing, there are no zombies.
YOU DON’T KNOW THAT THERE ARE NO ZOMBIES, STEPHANIE
REBLOGGING BECAUSE WE NEED TO PREPARE FOR THE END.
I’m sure you can find a pdf.
Find a motorcycle and learn to drive that shit. DON’T TELL ME THAT WILL TAKE TOO LONG, DON’T TELL ME IT’S TOO DANGEROUS, IT’S THE MOTHERFUCKING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, WHAT, DO YOU HAVE PLACES TO BE?
I laughed too hard at this, I wish I could informatively snark as well as you.
This App looks amazeballs and is currently in pre-order and will be available for download and play REALLY soon. Check out the website here for more details!
Running Game & Audio Adventure
Zombies, Run! is an ultra-immersive running game for the iPhone, iPod Touch, and Android. We deliver the story straight to your headphones through orders and voice recordings - and back home, you can build and grow your base with the items you’ve collected.
Zombies, Run! works anywhere and at any speed. You can jog in a park, run along a beach, or walk along a trail, even on treadmills!
Keep the survivors alive
You automatically collect items like medicine, batteries, and ammo while running - but when you’re back home, who needs them more: the soldiers or the doctors? Which buildings need extra defenses? It’s up to you - and the bigger your base, the more missions you can play.
A World of Stories
Where did the zombies come from? What are the leaders of your base planning? There’s a deeper mystery to be uncovered, puzzles to be solved, websites to be discovered, documents to be viewed so you can learn the truth of what’s happened to the world.
Your Own Music
Choose your own custom playlists before you start running: the story unfolds in between your tracks through a series of dynamic radio messages and voice recordings.
Better Fitness Through Science
Zombies, Run! records the distance, time, pace, and calories burned of all your runs, and we’re planning RunKeeper integration. You can also hear audio notifications for time, distance, and pace during your run.
I’m laughing too hard at this - this is awesome, I must download this.
We have had many zombie walks here in Seattle but we have never done a zombie run! We have been asked to invade the third annual ‘Run Scared 5k’ event, there will be joggers wearing all kinds of fun costumes and they want to be chased by zombies! This is our family friendly zombie event, bring your little rotten ones for the fun! In addition to having zombies chasing joggers we will have a zombie picnic, with zombies playing gam…es and chewing on finger sandwiches. The course will be a large loop around Seward Park, plenty of places to ambush joggers and create funny zombie scenarios. All proceeds benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, last year’s run raised over $17,000 so please join us and support a good cause.
I’d volunteer as a zombie.
Or , currently, tornados are coming.